by Araceli Brown
In today's society is "correct" for the bride and groom to be financially responsible for the wedding or the families can contribute if they want to. Traditions have changed over the years. There is not a specific list for the bride (and family) or the groom (and family). In this article, we will take a step back in time and look at what used to be the grooms responsibilities.
The bridegroom and his family were responsible:
Both the engagement and wedding rings
Grooms wedding attire
Securing the wedding license
Purchase of the flowers for the wedding party and mothers of the bride and groom
Gifts for the bride and his groomsmen, ushers, and the fathers of the bride and groom
The bachelor party and or dinner
Arrange and pay for the cost of out-of-town guests
Brides party and or dinner
Rehearsal dinner
Paying the minister
All mothers need instruction, nurturing, and an understanding mentor after the birth of a baby, but in this age of fast foods, fast tracks, and fast lanes, it doesn’t always happen. While we live in a society that provides recognition for just about every life event—from baptisms to bar mitzvahs, from wedding vows to funeral rites—the entry into parenting seems to be a solo flight, with nothing and no one to mark formally the new mom’s entry into motherhood.
—Sally Placksin (20th century)
All arrangements pertaining to the honeymoon
If that were not enough, it was solely the groom's responsibility to provide the home and all its furnishings.
In today's society, the list is a bit different for the groom:
You can suggest writing the engagement announcement for the papers.
Make a list of family, friends, and co-workers you would like to have at your wedding. If you are good with a computer, you could create a spreadsheet to keep track of expenses, guests, and other affairs that need tending to.
Work on a budget for the wedding with your bride. Do not keep saying, "We cannot afford that."
Call to set up appointment and vendors as needed. Also, make the confirmation calls to all vendors a week or so prior to the wedding day. Do not wait until the last minute.
Choose your Best Man and groomsmen and meet with your Best Man to discuss responsibilities.
Try-on several styles of tuxedos to be certain you get the one you want and your bride adores.
Make the appointments for the groomsmen to get their attire
Make the preparations for the honeymoon
Find a location for the out-of-town guests and provide transportation for them if they are flying in from elsewhere.
Make an appointment for you and your bride to obtain the marriage license
Girls usually have a papier mâché face on their wedding day.
—Colette [Sidonie Gabrielle Colette] (1873–1954)
Decide on wedding day transportation for you and your bride as well as the wedding party
Prepare your speech or toast for the wedding reception.
Now that you understand a bit of what you should do how about taking a look at what you should not do:
Do not say to your bride, "Just let me know when to be there and I will." If you want to make her happy, suck it up and show some interest.
When she asks you what you think of the plans she is making never say, "oh I do not care, do what you think is best." Always offer your input whether-or-not she listens to it.
Do not constantly complain about the cost of the wedding. It is important that you and your sweetheart have a clear understanding of the budget.
If you are going to cut costs anywhere, do not do it on the bar or entertainment portion of your wedding. People may remember the ceremony, they may vaguely remember the food that was available, but they will definitely remember whether the drinks were flowing and the music was good.
You will crash and burn if you spend every moment together talking about the wedding. You want to enjoy each other and not drive a wedge between you discussing endless wedding plans. Take time a couple of times a week to discuss wedding plans then go out and have fun together. Weddings are stressful enough; do not add more to it by talking about 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Be active with your bride in registering for gifts. You may want to let her make those decisions but you need to show interest.
Do not be passive waiting for her to tell you to do something. You will look interested if you volunteer before she asks you.
Remember that not everything is under your control. You can plan perfectly and something will not work the way you expect. Be prepared for this.
Now that you are sure you are going through with this, remember the most important thing is to have fun!